No one grows up wanting to have a mediocre life. As children we don’t dream of struggling financially or having relationships that debilitate us. While we’re running on the playground we don’t wish to be sick or uncomfortable in our bodies. Unfortunately for many people, the vitality and possibility that they had for their lives silently wanes with each passing year.

You then look around in your 30s or 40s or 50s and realize that your life is passion-deficient and you’re becoming frantic because your money’s short. You may have kids on the way to college; you may be caring for a sick parent; dealing with a lay off or may be trying to regroup after a divorce. It’s clear that your money is inadequate to meet your needs, now or in the future. You’re dumbfounded about how you got here. The short answer is that you got here because of your actions and your inactions.

When you met a fork in your road, a time that required you to move either in the direction of growth or stagnation, frequently you choose the safety of stagnation.

Stepping onto the road of growth would have meant tackling your fears, your doubts, and your insecurities. It would have meant reexamining your beliefs. However, the road to stagnation was comfortable and familiar and it required nothing new of you. On this path there were no apparent risks, you knew all of the players, you know what is expected of you and you also know how each day willl unfold.

There lies the rub…if sh*t was mediocre yesterday, doing the same thing, the same exact way can only result in more mediocrity tomorrow and the next day. According to Einstein, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” So, why do most people live their lives this way? My answer is that they haven’t DECIDED to create a life that that is emotionally and financially richer.

If there is any “secret” to having an emotionally, physically and financially abundant life it’s DECIDING what you want and taking ACTION from that place. Deciding what you want doesn’t mean that you need to know how you’re going to achieve your desires. However by making a decision, you are committing to taking action…a lot of actions. Deciding on the direction of your life also means that you are open to new people, new ideas and new situations that can provide you with the information, resources or guidance that you will need to attain your desired goal.

There’s also no B Plan when you Decide that you want a better relationship, better health or significantly more income. You’re not hedging your bets—you’re all in. The scariest part of making a decision to improve your life or business is that you’re taking full responsibility for your life. You’re no longer can blame the economy, your ex, your parents or your kids for what you’re doing or not doing. You stop outsourcing your happiness and your finances to other people.

As a business coach I work with women who want to increase their incomes. They are looking for some marketing strategy or plan that will help them to create a thriving 6  figure business. My approach however is more holistic. I sincerely believe that your business can be no better than you are.

At the start of our working together I tell them that in order for them to create a truly affluent life—that includes emotional fulfillment, physical health and financially abundance they have to grow themselves as women. This ultimately means deciding what they want to create in their lives and in their businesses. By creating these new intentions, they will also have to address their beliefs and take massive (new) actions. It’s my job to shake them out of their comfort zone so that they can design their best lives.

So here are some questions to think about:

What do You Desire for Your Life and Business? (These have got to be your dreams; not anyone else’s)

What Do You Think Is Holding You Back?
-Family/Friends
Self-Criticism
-Fear (disguised as overwhelm or I don’t know)

What you do if you knew that you couldn’t fail?

If you’d like to work with me Click Here

Last week I had the opportunity to coach Sofia Quintero , a phenomenal author and filmmaker.  Together we created her 6 Figure Roadmap for 2011.  Our goal was to focus on the activities that would be most beneficial to her creating a thriving multi-media company.

Most of you are waiting for December 31 to make both personal and business resolutions.  WHY?  The time to plan for change is NOW. Start planning for a more abundant business in 2011.  A few weeks ago I sent my mailing list a survey asking them about challenges in their businesses.   I wanted to determine my community’s greatest challenges so that I could design programs to help them. An overwhelming number of the respondents wanted: 1) to get more clients; 2) clear plan to improve their businesses; and 3) to be held accountable to their goals.

After you’ve had your fill of turkey, fixings and shopping, take a few hours to start your 2011 Business Improvement Plan. Here are some suggestions:

1) Determine how much income you want to generate in 2011.
The number should be realistic but a bit of stretch.  For instance if you made $25,000 this year, you’re probably not going to get to $1million dollars in a 2011 but you could reach $50K with the right guidance and support.

2) Decide how much time off you want to take. 
That’s right–figure out your vacation time.  You need to determine what your work schedule will be so that you can plan your business’ activities.  It’s better to factor in your desired down time, rather than get burnt out and just go awol.

3) Determine what your main money-maker product(s) or service(s) is for the year. It’s important to decide when will this product we available for sale. You then should work backwards to develop your marketing and promotion schedule.

4) Fill in your calendar with smaller projects: You will create your marketing and promotional schedule just as you did for the larger project(s).

5) Make revenue estimates for all projects.  It’s okay to be conservative but you MUST indicate how many clients you want for each project as well as how much revenue you’re generating. So, if you have three projects for 2011, breakdown how much each is on target to make and how many clients are required to achieve the goal. 

6) Plan out your months. Decide what you to achieve (personally and professionally) each week in a given month. This allows you to create a calendar that meet your needs as well as those of your business.

7)  Commit to hanging out with entrepreneurs who are further along than you. 
There are virtually no successful entrepreneurs who haven’t sought out help.  Interacting with people who are more successful than you expands your sense of what’s possible. Moreover they can provide you with tangible information and resources.  The best choice is to hire a coach who will work with you privately or as a part of a group. You can also   create a mastermind group. Last but not least, attend a conference or two in your industry to gain business contacts and information.

If you would like some help creating your own 2011 6 Figure Roadmap, CLICK HERE  to learn how to work with me 1 on 1.

If you have an A-HA moment, I’d love for you to share it with me in the comment box.

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Photo Credit: Sarah Parrott

Many women have VERY flexible standards which leads to them date subpar men and to stay in subpar jobs. Your standards are no more than the criteria that you use to determine whether a person or a situation fits into your desired life.  Women often claim that they want to make more money or they want better relationships, yet they refuse to terminate the subpar.

Subpar is defined as “Not measuring up to traditional standards of performance, value, or production.”  Simply replace the word “traditional” with “my” and you have a personalized term. 

Low Standards Lead to Your Needs Not Being Met.

When your standards are low you accept virtually everything and everybody into your realm. You don’t assess whether or not a job, or a relationship is actually good for you—you’re just glad that it’s there.  It’s like the woman who claims that she want to be in a monogamous relationship with a financially stable man that will lead to marriage. This same woman however is dating married men, men who are unemployed and/or men who are openly disdainful of commitment. In the course of these  subpar relationships none of her relationship needs or wants are being met.  

The woman does want a more fulfilling relationship but she consistently settles for far less.  She could doubt her ability to be in a successful relationship with a monogamous, marriage-minded man. This woman may also be unwilling to make the emotional and lifestyle changes that it would take to attract the man she desires.  Standards are important for creating the relationship that you want as well as the income that you desire.  

What is your income standard?

Unsure?  Your income standard should be the amount of money that you need to earn to comfortably meet your monthly expenses AND save for the future.  After you’ve figured out your income standard, compare it to your current salary.  How big is the gap between your income standard and your actual pay?  After you’ve done the math, it’s time to examine WHY you are willingly accepting less money than you need and desire?

There are host of WHY’s women frequently give for underearning, including:

The economy  is bad
I work for a small company
My field doesn’t pay high salaries
I don’t have the training, degree, license…necessary to earn more money

The reality is:

2) They don’t want to commit to the changes that are necessary to increase your income.   If you really don’t want to put in the effort to: change your money mindset; look for a higher paying job; get additional training; move to an area with more employment options; get coaching) you’ll just settle for a life of  financial struggle.

Both reasons center on fear…fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of rejection and fear or rejection/criticism….fear.

Awareness always precedes change. 

Starting with your income, be honest with yourself about why you’re willing to go to work everyday,  yet struggle financially.  Are you fearful that you don’t have the ability to do earn more money or are your fearful about the life changes that would be necessary for you earn a higher income.

Once you set standards for your income and more forward to adhere to them, you’ll likely feel compelled to cut loose the other subpar aspects of your life.

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Photo Credit: Ed Yourdon

For years I wrote about how popular culture impacted people’s expectations of themselves and society.  The more things change the more they stay the same. Whether it’s a famous man’s mistress doing a press junket, the culture of bottle girls (straddling service & prostitution) at VIP clubs or young girls hooking up with old codgers—the recurring cultural theme is that a woman achieves wealth through a man.  Following that advice however is more likely than not to keep a woman broke and/or in a bad relationship.   What’s really needed is more emphasis being placed on women becoming financially independent.

Too many women don’t focus on getting higher paying jobs or shoring up their finances. 

Instead they maintain the idea that a man is going to come along and rescue them financially. Granted some women do meet and marry wealthy men and live happily ever after. I’d also never advocate partnering with a man who wasn’t financially self-sufficient.  My chief point is that rather than staking your financial well-being on a man, a woman would be better served to create her own money.  Then if she meets Mr. Big Bucks it’s all gravy– like Beyonce & Jay-Z . More important, if Mr. Big Bucks turns out to have no other redeeming quality than a large bank roll the woman has the financial means to exit the relationship.

Today I listened to Drake’s single, “Fancy,” on it he shouts-out financially independent women.  Aside from having “their nails done, their hair done & everything big,” according to Drake these women are “homeowners and degree holders.”  Ne-Yo also praised women who had their own on his 2008 single “Miss Independent.” These songs however are the exception, not the rule in mainstream Hip Hop culture. The days of Queen Latifah and All Hail The Queen was short-lived and long ago.  At least in rock and pop from Janis Joplin to Lady Gaga there’s a more robust tradition of independent women’s voices, existing as a counter  to the subservient woman model.  

In the world of R&B and Hip Hop women are rarely the bosses or shot-callers; they’re usually depicted as “riders.” The female rider supports the man in her life by providing good sex and eye candy AND by dealing with his infidelities and general foolishness.  In exchange wifey, as she’s known, lives a lavish lifestyle—that is as long as the wealthy man is pleased with her. When he’s ready to move onto the next woman it’s hasta la vista baby.

Earlier this month rap artist Slim Thug stirred up controversy in a Vibe.com article when he said that White women knew their role in a relationship and that Black women should “bow down” to successful Black men. I must add the Slim didn’t specify his criteria for “successful”–so the thousandnaire may qualify.  Anyway, despite the precariousness of relying on “borrowed money” many women still see a men as a financial plan.

Here’s the take-away….

Love is complex and relationships do end (even if by death). I tell clients who are struggling with the “Prince Charming” syndrome that they can leave a relationship in one of two ways:

1) With a high income and assets that allows them the time and space to grieve, reflect & rebuild…OR  
2) With no or a low income and no savings/ investments resulting in severe financial insecurity and the high levels of stress and no means to protect your legal rights.

I’m raising my glass to the women who are already shot callers in their lives and to the women ready to take the step toward becoming Ms. Financially Independent.

I’d love you help your audience, women’s organization or your group of friends become financially independent. Here’s how you can hire me to speak at your event.

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Photo Credit: Banana Wacks

As a former underearner I can attest that many underpaid women are well-educated, intelligent, and extremely competent. The problem is that an underearner’s pay is not commensurate with her talents or with her financial needs.  I was far from destitute however I wasn’t consistently making the money that I needed to create financial stability.  In truth, underearning serves to foster some core belief that a woman holds; I was no different. 

Although women say that they want to stop underearning they continue to underearn because in some way it serves them.

I had the fundamental belief that I couldn’t make a lot of money AND maintain my freedom.  I didn’t see the point of having a larger salary if I wouldn’t have time to spend it (I had friends who were basically living in their offices because they were clocking 80 hour weeks).  After my last corporate gig ended I started a not-for-profit organization, gave lectures, consulted and wrote for publications. Financially it was a feast or famine cycle:  Big checks for some projects; followed by some smaller checks; then the money dried up—until the next big project. 

I had a very good life and I could pay my bills—so change wasn’t a priority until I became a mother.  To me, being  a responsible mother meant that financially I had to be able to manage my household alone.  Unfortunately I had seen several close friends go into a financial free-fall when their husbands lost their jobs or divorced them—I didn’t want to follow suit.  The first step to any new behavior is awareness.  Once I acknowledged my belief that money and freedom were mutually exclusive, I was able to reprogram my thinking.

5 Common Motivations Behind Underearning:

1. To Stay in Your Comfort Zone:  An underearner sticks with a familiar (underpaying) job rather than risk the failure or rejection that’s associated with attempting to seek and maintain a higher paying position.

2. Fear of Giving Something Up: High salaried women look at reasonable trade-offs, “Would I be willing to give up X situation to get a higher salary.” In comparison, underearners only think in terms of sacrifice: “I’d have to up X (something extremely valuable to them) for me to earn more money”.  The underearner can’t justify the extra money being worth the sacrifice. 

3. Fear That The Money Would Be Taken Away: Some underearners curtail their income because they’re fearful that they wouldn’t be able to enjoy their additional money in peace. In their minds, if they had more money they’d be pressured to give more  to elderly parents, adult children or ne’re do well siblings.

4. Fear that You Won’t Know How To Handle It:  Many professional women easily handle their personal & household budgets, yet become paralyzed at the prospect of investing. An underearner doesn’t have any extra money to invest  and therefore doesn’t have to address her money management fears.

5.  To Maintain Their “This is My Life” Mindset: Many underearners believe that only “other” people can lead fulfilling and financially prosperous lives. Consequently they see their life and options as extremely limited. If you have trouble seeing greater possibilities for your life, even if your current circumstances are bad, you’ll maintain the status quo. 

Take some time to ask yourself how your life would change if you earned a larger income. Be aware of any resistence that you’re feeling. If there’s any “Mo Money, Mo’ Problems” energy cropping up, try and get clear about the “problems” that additional income would present for you.

Also of Interest:
What’s Keeping You From Earning More Money

How Are High Income Women Different From Underearners

Are You Earning What You Deserve?

A woman needs high self-esteem to live an emotionally and financially rewarding life.  If your self-esteem is low (you usually feel unattractive, dumb, or unworthy)  you’re more likely to accept  any salary and any man that comes your way. If you have poor self-esteem you’ll cling onto a job that underpays you and onto a bad relationship because you believe they are what you deserve .

According to the National Association of Self-Esteem, “Individuals with defensive or low self-esteem… generally lack confidence in themselves, often have doubts about their worth and acceptability, and hence are reluctant to take risks or expose themselves to failure. 

It’s important that every woman strive to be the best, healthiest version of  herself.

It’s normal to have some insecurities, however you can take steps to improve your feelings about yourself and your capabilities. By increasing your self-esteem you’ll set a higher standard for how you allow yourself to be treated by friends & romantic partners.  You’ll also realize that you deserve to earn a salary that give you the ability to comfortably meet your expenses. You will then take steps to raise your income by negotiating with your current employer or by finding a new one.

5 STEPS TO BOOSTING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM AND YOUR INCOME

1.  Make a list of your past successes.  This list doesn’t necessarily have to consist of major achievements like climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro.  It can include your “minor victories” such as learning to cook, graduating from college, receiving an award or promotion, or completing a CPR course.  Read this list often to reinforce that idea that you can succeed. 

2. Associate with positive, supportive people.   Release or severely cut back on people who constantly put you down or your ideas about improving your life.  You want cheerleaders in your corner— people who accept you as-is yet encourage you to grow emotionally, spiritually and financially. 

3. Stop putting yourself down.  You can’t develop high self-esteem if you continue to tell yourself that you’re not shit.  Counter negative thoughts about yourself and your abilities with positive thoughts about who you are and what you’ve done. You can also repeat affirmations to reprogram your thinking. Affirmations are  statements such as “I like and accept myself just the way I am”, “I am somebody, I love myself, I believe in myself”.   When say the affirmation,  allow yourself to REALLY feel the truth and positivity of the statement.

4. Make a list of your positive qualities.  Write down at least 10 of your positive qualities. Are you honest, helpful, caring, resourceful or funny? Review this list often.  Most women dwell on their flaws and shortcomings. Start focusing on your positive traits and you’ll have more confidence to achieve your life and income goals.

5. Set aside at least 15 minutes each day for personal development. Meditate, pray, journal, listen to inspirational music or read a motivational book to set the tone of your day. Setting the intention that your daily interactions and experiences will benefit you  is a powerful, life-changing strategy.

Also of Interest:
How 50 Cents and Self-Worth Are Connected to Underearning

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Photo Credit: Daisy Starr

You may be thinking, “This blog’s about women overcoming underearning, why is Yvonne writing a post about child support?” It’s because it’s another area where women avoid taking steps to improve their financial lives.  Today, nearly half of all marriages end in divorce and across the board, there’s been an increase in the number of unwed parents.  Since women tend to be underearners, most single mothers literally can’t afford not to seek  child support.

As the mother of a 5 years old son, I know that child-related costs don’t end with food, clothing and shelter. They also include health insurance  and/or doctor fees; medicines; school activities; and before or after school care.  Despite these costs, many single mothers voluntarily forgo child support. 

I want to make my position very clear, not seeking child support is financially detrimental—especially if you’re struggling to make ends.  

According to Carolyn Edgar , a NYC attorney,  divorced mom and blogger, mothers don’t seek child support because they want to avoid dealing with the fathers. According to Edgar, “Courts don’t link child support with visitation, but a man who is paying child support will expect and demand visits, which may be uncomfortable for the woman.” 

Marjorie Bostwick a Florida-based life coach for single mothers says, “The child support office gives you the run around and can become time consuming. When I transferred from one state to another it took a year before they called me in for an appointment.”

A disgruntled ex or an ineffective child support office are real issues for single mothers. However I’m still not sold that they override the financial imperatives of raising children.  A mother who is not receiving child support will likely have to work more hours, which means she spends less time with her kids. In the alternative, this mother could just expect her children to make do with less. Both scenarios are problematic if her children’s father is able-bodied and gainfully employed in the Unites States.

Both parents have an emotional and a financial responsibility to their children.  The end of a relationship or a marriage doesn’t terminate those responsibilities.

To apply for child support requires going to your local social services office. In most instances you will need the following information: the father’s Social Security number, address, last known employer and if possible, a picture.  If you and the father weren’t married it helps if you have paternity papers and he has signed the child’s birth certificate.

Making child support arrangements outside the court system is a risky move.  In these instances the mother can only pray that her ex makes consistent payments.   Edgar says, “The parties can always agree to accept less/pay more than formulas dictate, but best for  it to be done through the courts so the payer has a record of payment, and the recipient has an enforceable order.”

I won’t lie, there are deadbeat dads .  Men can lose also their jobs or they can choose to work off-the-books.  All of this means that obtaining a child support order doesn’t  guarantee that you’ll see any money.  However women have to actively pursue financial opportunities that will benefit their lives.  In the instance of child support, the lives of a woman’s children can be greatly enhanced by the additional money that comes into her household.

Let me know what you think.

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Photo Credit: HuNo (Off & On)

“Your sense of who you are will determine your actions and what you end up getting in life. If you see your reach as limited, that you are mostly helpless in the face of so many difficulties, that it is best to keep your ambitions low, then you will receive the little that you expect.  Knowing this dynamic, you must train yourself for the opposite—ask for more, aim high and believe that you are destined for something great.  Your sense of self-worth comes from you alone—never the opinions of others.”—From the 5oth Law by 50 Cent & Robert Greene

I was memorized by this quote when I read it in The 50th Law, 50 Cent’s  book about leadership and power.  It got me thinking about why some women are able to seamlessly go from one big income opportunity to another.  In many cases these women don’t even have the requisite credentials for these positions.  On the flip side, there are women who seem to be magnets for low-paying jobs regardless of how many prestigious degrees they possess.  It appears that high income women think differently than underearners.

In comparison to underearners, high income women, regardless of their backgrounds have a greater sense of self worth. 

The golden gals believe that they were entitled to the best that life had to offer: money, lifestyle and relationships.  Consequently they continually expand their sense of identity to achieve increasingly larger money and life goals.  These women are also willing to release the things that aren’t enhancing their lives: projects, jobs and people.  The golden gals see themselves and their lives beyond the expectations and realities of their socio-economic class, age, environment or past experiences.  The lesson dear heart is that…

Self-belief is a critical element to increasing your income and being able to create a meaningful life.

The things that you’ve been able to create or accomplish fit nicely with your concept of self.  These are the things that you imagined doing as a child, that people told you were good at or talents or skills that came naturally to you.  The things that you haven’t been able to achieve, such as earning a higher income, are outside your sense of self.  They aren’t part of how you see yourself. 

The greatest opportunity for your life lies outside of your current identity. It requires you to shift your core beliefs about yourself. 

It means transforming your self-identity from: woman who’s struggling financially because I’m unable to make enough money TO woman who’s thriving financially because I’m able to make a high income.” 

Remember you have everything you need, right now, to begin your tranformation from underearner to high income earner.

Would you be shocked to learn that many women are “underearners.”  It’s estimated that one in three women are not earning what they are worth. It doesn’t matter whether you’re making  $45,000 or $145,000, if your salary consistently doesn’t cover your expenses, it’s likely that you’re an undearner.

Even if you can pay your bills, you’re an underearner if you’re making less than your market potential—meaning you’re underpaid in comparison to people with educational credentials and work experience  similar to yours.

If you are underearning your finances are probably in a precarious state.  You may find it difficult to pay all of your bills on time or you’d be unable to meet your expenses if your spouse died, became ill or left the marriage.

Undearners certainly WANT to make more money but frequently they are unable to significantly increase their incomes.

I’d really like to know………….

How many are you struggling with underearning?

What do you think is your biggest obstacle to increasing your income?

What would make it easier for you to tackle your income obstacle?

Would you be interested in learning how to increase your income with other professional women? 

Please leave your comments below or if you prefer,
Email me at Yvonne@SophisticatedWomanandMama.com or on Twitter at @YvonneBynoe

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Photo credit: Andy Carolan

For several years I ran a not-for-profit organization in Washington, DC. My work focused on increasing the civic participation of young adults of color. During that period I met a lot of women like myself: well educated, earnest, committed to social change and woefully underpaid.

Philanthropy used to be the bastion of the trust fund set who used their subsistence wages to pay for trifles such as cab fare and cocktails. Although more average janes have now entered their ranks, salaries at most not-for-profit organizations haven’t dramatically improved. In far too many instances women who are trying to change the world can barely afford to pay their rent. The world of philanthropy is rife with underearners.

It’s not surprising since many women believe that it’s more important to “do good” than to make money. Consequently, in the not-for profit world, women have become accustomed to low pay.  Moreover they’ve come to believe that being of service and being handsomely compensated are mutually exclusive.  This poverty mentality then permeates not-for-profit organizations since most frequently struggle financially.

Rather than embrace a money mentality and devise plans to generate  income that could be used to expand programs and increase employee salaries, most organizations remain largely dependent on grants and annual fundraising campaigns. This revenue plan is akin to a wife who’s totally reliant on her husband to pay the bills. It’s very good while he’s does it and very bad when he doesn’t.

Anyone who’s ever written a grant proposal or been interrogated,interviewed by a grant committee knows how precarious the grantor/grantee relationship can be.  The annual  initiatives of granting organizations often result in organizations changing the thrust of their programming to win a grant.  In other instances the loss of a large grant could result in a major staff and/or program cuts. More problematic, salaries remain low at these organizations. Most grant writers acknowledge that it’s a sin to include more than a low-end “reasonable” salary in a proposal for staff positions. 

At more than a few not-for-profits, not having a money mentality also means that administrative concerns are handled ad hoc.  In 2004 the venerable Dance Theater of Harlem was on the verge of having to disband its troupe and close it’s school because of a 2.5 million dollar short-fall.  In the 35 years of its existence, only in the face of bankruptcy was it hiring an executive director to oversee the business and financial issues.

Women could do even more good in the world if they made making money a priority.  However change agents would first have to deal with their own money fears and money biases in order to bring new financial ideas and cash to their organizations. 

I have a presentation How Artists and Change Agents Can Do More Good By Embracing a Money Mentality that talks directly to artists and change agents about why they money provides them with important power and leverage that can be used to advance their causes.  I’d love to talk to your organization or private group about how to do more good, by getting more money!